Success

"Missing" by Flyleaf

So, I'm finished with my full time teaching at TPH and am sort of coasting till the end of the school year. I have been working almost exclusively with one student throughout the day, but it doesn't require any preparation on my part. It sounds fantastic, but, I have so much work due for Calvin that I have no idea how I'm going to get it done.

I find myself so exhausted after the school day that when I get home, working on homework sounds like the least appealing thing to do. When I do have energy, I don't want to be sitting at my desk, I want to be outside going for a walk , or just relaxing. In the back of my mind, I know I have a million things to get done, and I should put all of my effort into them, but I just don't want to. In all reality I do have time to get done the things that I need to, but there's something standing in the way. And that thing that seems to be standing in the way of my success is me. I've been thinking about this strange juxtaposition lately.

I want to succeed, I think everyone does, but yet sometimes we as people can be so detrimental to ourselves. Why is this? We are our own worst enemy when it comes to success. I could be healthier, if I went for a run instead of watching TV. I could have better grades, if I spent more time in studying. I could have these assignments already finished, if I had planned better. I could blame these problems on other things, but when it comes down to it, the main problem in all of these cases is me. It can even be small things, like getting to school on time in the morning... I've been getting up later and later. It used to be promptly at 5:40, and now it's 6... 6:15...6:30... then I feel embarassed when I get to school late. But yet, i don't change my ways, I savor that extra half an hour in bed. Do I not want to succeed?

Why do I seem to find ways to make myself fail?